Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
How external is "for external use only"?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
