you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
