The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I said "one day" and that day is not today
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
