Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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