Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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