In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
