i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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