If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
