she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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