did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
