My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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