The best revenge is premature balding
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
