woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
