I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
