Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Is that strawberry winking at me??
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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