Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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