He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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