Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
