She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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