That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
