We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
