So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
