i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
