I am in a vortex of obligation.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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