I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
