I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
