foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
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