She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
