we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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