You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
