im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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