Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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