I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
