It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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