I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
