i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
