it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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