he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
