I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
