Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
