I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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