YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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