Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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