I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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