it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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