after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize