and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
