tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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