All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
