today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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