is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
