38 yer olds are good kisserssss
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
