I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
