I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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