my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
