I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
