Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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