I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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