you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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