Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
