This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
