He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
