YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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