Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize