Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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