I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
