I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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