Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
