I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
