the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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