eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
