just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
