I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
