I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
as a side note pls kill me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
