You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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