I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
