Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
