so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
