Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
