I cannot find my penis.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
either way he was missing a nipple.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
