those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
