you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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