You work out of a Hotel?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize