I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
