I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
