I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
