she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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