I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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