how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
