My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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