And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize