Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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