No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
