Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
