I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
