She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
