you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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