my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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