3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
